A Thank You Note For My Cheating Ex-Boyfriend

Dear the-one-who-was-meant-to-be,
I'm not going to start this one with
'I still love you'. Nor am I going to
ask you to 'come back'.
I'm not saying that it's all over
between us. It really isn't. There are
still some things that have been left
unsaid.
I'm sure you still think of me. Very
sure.
If nothing else, you probably
remember that wonderful day we
met for the last time. Fabulous,
wasn't it?
You. Me. Her. Yeah, I'm sure we
could have arranged a less awkward
meeting. But it happened the way it
did.
I know you're probably thinking that
I have terrible things to say to you
after I found you and her (nothing
against her though) snogging so
affectionately. It was aww-ful.
But the fact is that well... I don't.
I'm just writing in to thank you.
Yeah, you read that right.
I thank you for introducing me to
self-preservation. It's not that I
won't trust anyone, it's just that I
would do it more deliberately now.
I thank you for giving me a chance
at a guilt-free break up. Phew.
I thank you for personal space. I
needn't tolerate farts or reply to a
text because I've 'last seen at 1:20'.
I feel...
I owe you a BIG thanks for letting
me discover myself again. I've been
on 4 great dates so far and I'm in
no hurry to settle for any.
You made me introspect and I
realised that I can really be with
someone MUCH better. Myself.
While I'm at it, I should also
probably express my immense
gratitude for your timing. I was
thinking of buying you an (e)Xbox
for your birthday. You saved me A
LOT of money.
Also, thanks dear ex-love for that
gorgeous dress you sent me as an
'apology'. Accepted. I'll wear it to
my next date.
I thank you for taking the plus one
tag off of me. Sometimes my
friends really hated having you
around all the time.
And a final thanks for lying the
way you did. *Claps* Showed your
real face to me.
I've also reserved a special
message for her. I'm sure she's a
nice person, but she'll need a lot
of patience to be with you. Tell her
she can call me, anytime.
Gifs sourced from here
Don't worry about me. I'll amble
along just fine. It's you who needs
to live with the guilt, and without
my awesomeness.
Good luck. And have a great life
ahead.
Hugs.
Warm regards,
Angry young woman no more